We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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