Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
