You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
