just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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