mondays should just be called national damage control day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
