Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
