I just threw up on my dentist
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
