do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
