if i can run in heels then i can drive
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
