Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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