I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
