all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
