She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
