In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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