If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
