I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
