I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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