I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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