we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
