like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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