I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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