I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
