oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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