He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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