I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
