Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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