i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
