My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
