sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
