its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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