stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
