I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
