finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
