You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
