I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
