Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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