do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
