Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
