Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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