It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
