I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
