He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
