I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
