I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
