Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my liver is dry heaving
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
