I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
