And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
