Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
