i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
