Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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