I accidentally burped into my bong.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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