dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
