she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
